There are clear useful ways to get unstuck. One way is to create a metaconversation.
One way to create greater authenticity for yourself, your relationship or your organization is to navigate into a liquid state through having a conversation about the conversation. Having a conversation about the conversation is called a “metaconversation.”
The way to enter a meta-conversation is to place your attention outside the limits of the original conversation, turn around and look back where you came from, and then speak from outside the conversation about what you observe happening inside the conversation.
Start speaking together about the way the speaking is happening: the tone of voice, the impulses, the word used, the purpose, the intention. Talk about how the talking is going. Change the topic of the conversation to the conversation itself. Find the purpose behind the original conversation. Developing the ability to create metaconversations takes practice.
It takes practice because every conversation takes place within a particularly defined context. If you do not take responsibility for the context of the conversation, then the conversation takes place in the default and ordinary context, which serves unconscious purpose, Gremlin feeding and Low Drama.
The distinction to apply is that there is an energetic space happening within physical space. The context of a conversation is alive within a define energetic space. The question to apply to an energetic space is: who is the spaceholder? what kind of space are they holding? what context does the conversation emerges from?
The first step is the most difficult: placing your attention outside the limits of the original space of the conversation. We are so easily hypnotized into the present story that we occlude our responsible ability to extemporize alternative and perhaps more productive stories, which are possible in every circumstance. When the kids are screaming at each other, or the husband is complaining, we tend to believe the reality of their feelings, their reasons and their perceived behavior options.
The “possibility wand” that gives you the power to go nonlinearly outside of the limits of the present conversation is a declaration that you make. The declaration is: “Something completely different from this is possible right now.” In both the ordinary and extraordinary human domains this declaration is always true. (In the Archetypal domains this declaration is not always true, but we will get to that later.) An important factor to remember when you say “Something completely different from this is possible right now” is to make sure that you are connected with the people that are in the room with you. If you are not connected, you will go in the new space alone. However, it is completely possible that someone does not want to leave the ordinary space that you were before because their Gremlin want to get fed, they want to hook you or push buttons.
It requires a samurai’s relaxed alertness, and a pirate’s “Rules? What rules?” attitude to extend what is possible for you personally beyond any conversation limits that are proposed. A conversation limit is only an offer. You don’t have to accept that offer unconditionally. Ever.
Having a conversation about the conversation creates the possibility of Possibility
Having a meta-conversation lets you ask questions that are not permitted from within the original conversation. Your extracurricular inquiry generates clarity and possibility that were not previously visible or allowed. It is the new clarity itself that initiates the liquid state.
Clearly seeing the organizational force field behind the Box’s perspective disorganizes the force field. The perceptual prison is left behind and suddenly we can see from a new perspective. Starting a meta-conversation can change the purpose or the context of the original conversation into a purpose or a context that would never have otherwise been reached.
This makes meta-conversations an excellent tool for shifting ordinary human relationship into extraordinary human relationship.
Meta-conversations are started with meta-conversation starters.
That sounds simple enough, except that the Box has a strong bias against us having meta-conversation starters in our common vocabulary. I personally have had to make specific efforts to memorize meta-conversation starter-phrases so that they were available in the moments when they would be most useful. Without memorizing them, I would have completely forgotten that meta-conversations existed.
What is astonishing is that, if you can remember to use metaconversation starters, they do their job very well. The resultant intimacies and authenticities can be well worth the risk you take by asking such questions. Many of the meta-conversation starters listed are completely foreign to our ordinary ways of speaking.
Having a conversation about the conversation creates the possibility of possibility. This makes meta-conversations a central tool for navigating into extraordinary human relationship where possibility is abundant. The keys to being able to start a meta-conversation are:
possessing your attention so that you can move your attention about freely
being centered so that you are not giving your authority away
going nonlinear so that you are not limited by the apparent reality barriers offered by the space of a conversation.
Meta-Conversations with Children
In just a few moments, having a meta-conversation with your child can create wonders that you may have already concluded could never occur. In general, children less than fifteen years old are still in the testing and formatory stages of Box building. The structure of their Box is still being determined. After fifteen years of age, the Box tends to stop evolving and start crystallizing, unless a person is brought through some kind of rite of passage where they become cognizant of and take responsibility for having a Box. A child has more flexible habits than an adult. When you, as an adult, initiate a conversation about the conversation with a child, the child will usually slip right into the new conditions with an easefulness that would startle most adults.
The reason adults fail to create meta-conversations with children is not that the children cannot go there with them; it is that the adults avoid functioning from the perspective that the conversation that is happening right now is not the only possible conversation that could be happening right now. We adults tend to defend the original options that our Box allows us to see, as if these were the only options that could be seen. So, when a child-adult conflict arises, the adults shift into a power struggle using physical size, physical strength, age, position, role, education, or financial status as weapons to overpower the child into submission.
Isaac Asimov used to say, “Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.” The adult’s particular incompetence in this case is the inability to “go nonlinear” – that is, to not assume that the present conversation or struggle that you are having right now with your child is the only possible conversation that could be happening.
In fact, many other kinds of conversations are available, and waiting for you to enter. All that you as the adult need to do to get there is to start a meta-conversation. If you start a meta-conversation, the child will tend to join you immediately in the new world opened up by the meta-conversation.
Not only that, but the child will learn how to go nonlinear and make meta-conversations themselves in their lives. I still remember when my daughters, in their early teens, first started using meta-conversations on me and their mother to create what they really wanted for themselves instead of being trapped by the limits of what their mother and I could imagine was best for them.
The children will use this ability for the rest of their lives. An important element in successful communication with children is your ability to listen.
The adage, “Children are to be seen and not heard” runs deep in our culture. When children are not heard and are also not given boundaries to work with, they will take over spaces and do anything to get adult attention, even if all they get is negative attention.
When we make our cursory attempts to listen to children and find them speaking nonsense, we only strengthen our commitment to the adage. You can discover richness and depth in your communications with children (and with adults) when you use meta-conversations to distinguish between babble and authentic sharing.
Meta-Conversation & Emotional Healing Process
METACONV.01: Shift From A One-Dimensional Conversation to A Metaconversation
METACONV.02: Only have Metaconversation for one whole day
METACONV.03: Use Assumption, Expectations, Projections, Conclusions, Prejudices, ... To Block Metaconversation
In your Possibility Team, groups of 3, one person does this, one person tries to have a MC, 3rd person is coach. There is this contextual struggle.
The weapons of unconsciousness are....
Use Assumption, Expectations, Projections, Conclusions, Prejudices, ... As Leverage for Meta-Conversation
Use them as a leverage to
Make A Map Of Conversations And Choose Where You Want To Live
Make 3 kinds of conversation your want to have and 3 that you don't want to have. Define a theme for the conversation, such as Healing and Transformation.
Visit your relatives for a day and only detect and write down the kind of conversation that they are having. If anyone ask you what you are doing, then tell them you cannot tell them because you would have a Meta-Conversation with them instead of having the conversation with them. And explain Meta-Conversations are transformational and cause new awareness which they would have agree to before you are willing to have a Meta-Conversation.
Place Your Order with Metaconversation
Do whatever it takes to order an item off the menu with a waiter / waitress using only Meta-Conversation.
Use Metaconversation to Shift the Purpose and Procedure of A Meeting
At a meeting at work, bring in Meta-Conversation questions as bridges from the currently competitive adversarial status seeking power game to creative collaborative and Winning Happening.
Differentiate Between Judgement And Metaconversation
The purpose of using a rigidly held opinion to frame up or judge a situation is to keep things the same so as to stay in the current space, to be superior, flow power away from someone towards yourself, tell a victim story so as to 'gain the right to persecute', defend a position, etc. These are ways to create an Ordinary conversation.
The purpose of having a Metaconversation is to exit the current space and enter together a different space that offers the conversation or interaction more possibilities to choose from, such as Extraordinary or Archetypal possibilities.
Judgement can be detected through the ways it is expressed, such as through complaining, blaming, praising, undermining, criticizing, disapproving, approving, etc.
This Experiment is each time this week when you detect Judgement happening, get out your Beep! Book and interviewer the one judging. Ask the judger these 3 questions:
What perspective do you hold that causes you to say the things you are saying?
What is your purpose to view what is happening through the framework that ratifies or empowers your comments?
Please describe to me what it is like inside of you that compels you to stay within this worldview.
Write down their answers in your Beep! Book on a page titled JUDGMENT RESEARCH.
Then interview the person who is allowing themselves to be judged, and ask them the same three questions. Write their answers down in your Beep! Book also.
Compare their answers.
Interview 5 pairs of people and see if you can create some kind of theory that explains what you noticed.
Give A One Day Workshop About How To Do Metaconversations
Being able to empower other people to use Metaconversations in their daily life is one of the most effective ways to learn to deliver Metaconversations yourself. You (or the others) may have fears of breaking social etiquette, making people think you are crazy, or making them afraid of you. Once you can support others to invent and apply metaconversation you add a dimension to human interaction that is rarely experienced.
This Experiment is to deliver a one-day workshop where people get to:
Understand how to make an opening to deliver Metaconversations.
Practice delivering Metaconversations while receiving feedback and coaching.
Practice coaching other people to more effectively deliver Metaconversations.
Explore new territories of connection, intimacy, and possibility that are opened up through engaging in Metaconversations.
Scan For A Conversation Space That Is Outside of Your Comfort Zone
Scan for the amount of energy in your conversation. Scan for sexual energy. Scan for feminine or masculine energy. Scan for Gremlin energy because your Gremlin is hungry.
Exit Every Conversation That You Do Not Want To Have
Choose 3 starters metaconversations
For an experiment, choose three of these sentences and memorize them so they are on the tip of your tongue at all times. Then, use your selected meta-conversation starters during the next few days and see what happens.